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Guaranteed Weight Loss!

Updated: Mar 12, 2021

Wow. GUARANTEED? You've heard it before. You've wondered. Well, it's here now. We can guarantee you'll lose weight, or we'll give you your money back.

What's the catch? No catch. Every nickel you give us on this program we'll gladly return without hassle if you don't lose weight. You see, you won't be paying us, so we really have nothing to lose.

We're going to get into some specifics in a minute, but for the three or so thousand years of recorded history there's really only one non-surgical way to lose weight (and honestly, the surgery basically just makes you do this): Take in fewer calories, and burn more calories.

We see IV centers, alternative medicine clinics, and all sorts of companies advertising their "weight loss in a bottle" programs. We've researched them ALL.

Here's a little honesty: We live in a smallish house that was built in 1936 and we'd love to completely finish our remodel. We'd love to have a boat. If we thought for one second that any of these pills, supplements, IVs, injections, or whatever, worked weight-loss magic we'd IMMEDIATELY start screaming it from the top of the tallest building in town. We'd go to Weight Watchers meetings and sign up everyone. We'd get rich and buy the boat we want, and our master bath would have a marble vanity counter.

It just isn't true.

Now, that said, there ARE some things you can do to ASSIST your weight loss program. For instance, a majority (an actual statistical majority) of people who feel hungry are actually suffering from dehydration. So, if you stay hydrated (either by drinking appropriately or getting an IV) you're less likely to feel hungry. You can also do something to put a little "pep in your step", because with added energy you'll be less likely to just sit around. So, the Lipo-B injection or the B12 injection can help you feel a little more energized, and maybe you'll go for a walk or pick weeds or something instead of sitting on the couch. Those are just WAYS to help you eat less and burn more calories, they don't burn the calories for you.

Here's what I did (very simple) to lose 50 pounds. I didn't do any added exercising, I didn't take any supplements, and I didn't control my alcohol intake one lick. It was awful, but it worked.

Beginning Sunday night at 7 p.m., and going all the way until Friday at 5 p.m., this was my program:

1. Nothing fried. That literally means NOTHING fried. French fries, chicken fried steak, bacon, whatever... NOTHING FRIED.

2. No sugary drinks. No Coke, no Dr. Pepper, no sweet tea, no creamer in coffee, no Gatorade. Absolutely NOTHING that has anything other than artificial "no calorie" sweeteners.

3. No dessert after meals. Not even a tiny cookie. Eat the meal, and that's it.

4. No between meal snacking. Eat your meals, and THAT'S IT.

5. NOTHING but liquids after 7 p.m. That means dinner at 6:30 and push away at 6:59. This is really, really important.

Starting Friday when I got off work at 5, until Sunday at 7 here was the program:

  1. Whatever the hell you want. Sit down and eat an entire cheesecake. Drink fifteen Dr. Peppers. Doesn't matter. Honestly, after a few weeks you won't do those things but at the beginning you might. You can not completely deprive yourself all the time or you'll crap out and quit. I looked forward to weekends. I had chicken wings by the dozen with enough BBQ sauce to choke a horse. Still lost weight. No rules from Friday after work until Sunday at 7.

Now, there are things you'll learn to do to make it less awful. I like root beer so I bought Diet A&W root beer and late at night when I wanted a snack I'd drink that over ice. Felt like I was getting a treat, but I wasn't taking in any calories. You'll find something. You'll also start seeing the weight come off and so when the weekend comes around you won't want to "ruin your progress" by eating a half gallon of ice cream, so you won't.

That was it. Took me about 5 months and I lost 55 pounds. It's still mostly off. I weigh about 43 pounds less than I did at my "fat boy" weight.

You can certainly come in and see us to stay hydrated, and we'd love to give you a B12 shot or even a Lipo-B shot to give you the energy boost you need to get to the walking trail, back on the bike, or into the gym, but the science says there's no magic pill. The MINUTE there's a safe magic pill or IV that will cause you to lose weight, we'll charge a ton for it, take it ourselves, and you'll hear about it from us by everything up to and including smoke signals. Until then, it's this plan or you have to go to Dr. Keith at UT Tyler for surgery.

Until then, fewer calories in, more calories burned, magic. YOU CAN DO IT!

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